I love a strong woman. I really do! A female that’s independent, beautiful, self-reliant, knows what she wants and doesn’t hesitate to take the steps to get it. The perfect woman is one that can compliment the man she’s with. I see a lot of that now a days and I also see very few at the same time. As days pass, months pass and years the quality of woman slowly decrease. Woman are establishing more but at the same losing the essence of what it take to make the perfect mate as they chase their successes and goals. I mean ladies, raise your hand if you can cook. wait.. wait I mean cook..cook not those fast meals you just warm up. Good, now keep you hands up if you can do laundry, ok I see a few hands still up. Raise your kids? Wonderful, finally with all that can you still satisfy your mate? Ohhhhh realllllly…… what was your name again? jk jk

Women like you are far and few believe it or not. Your amazing. So, how do you go about finding the perfect guy for you? I’ve asked a few friends what they look for in a guy. Their responses were pretty much what you would expect and are as followed:

  1. A fit guy.. someone who works out
  2. A handsome man.. someone who can keep themselves up and clean
  3. A man who takes care of business. No woman wants a man that is reliant on her I’m sure. Its like having a second child.
  4. Lastly, a best friend. A man who can be her perfect match.
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As I look around and I mean right this minute I don’t see all of that. I see a lot of men children that are not fit. I see a lot of men that aren’t men at all but men on the low looking for other men. I see men that don’t respect their woman and call them out of their names. Men that allow their women to open their own doors, men that act.. well act out of character and that’s only talking about those that are actually free and not locked away in prison for making the wrong decisions. I’m old school. I asked them and I’ll ask you the same.. “what is your definition of a man”?

I think the definition of what a man is has been smeared a bit and is fading. Probably because the definition of a man is loosely defined in the dictionary anyway. I learned from real men growing up and am teaching my son and other young males that look up to me the same by example. I fix everything I can and am hella’ good with my hands. I think a man should be good with tools right? I don’t call women out of their names. I keep my lady on the inside when we walk down the street, still open doors and work my ass off to make ends meat. That includes the hustle of self-made businesses I’ve thought up to make cash and fill in time instead of running the streets like this blog for example.  I see a small handful that lead by example like that and I love to see it, men teaching men to be men. What makes a good man or just a man period? What’s your definition of what a man is? Feel free to drop a comment in the box below.

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“It’s ok if your woman gains a little weight when she’s with you. It shows that she’s happy, feels safe with you, and feels loved.” – B.Little

“.. humm, ok .. its kind or like you both knowing the oven is hot.. but you both decide to touch it together anyway”. Chaos and beauty.”

So I’ve had several conversations with different friends both male and female about their relationships. Some good and some just horrible. I have come to the conclusion that I am the go to person when things get hard for them because I give good advice. No correction, I give GREAT advice. Now as a disclaimer, I am also the same person that never takes their own advice so go figure. Everybody needs advice at some point. I wrote this blog because I kept giving the same message to everyone that came to me asking the same questions. What is that question you ask? Well it’s the one that you might see coming based off the title of this blog.. “Is she/he my soul mate. Truth be told.. there is actually something beyond soulmates, it’s called twin flames and I’ll break both twin flames and soul mates down for you so you can understand both pretty clearly.

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SOULMATES

By definition a soulmate is a person that is ideally suited to another as a close friend or romantic partner. That’s a pretty lame unseasoned definition in my opinion. Basically a soulmate is a person that will ride with you forever. A soulmate is a person that your connected to through all your ups and downs. You bonded on a spiritual level like bffs for your soul. You tend to share everything with that person from your daily events right down to your darkest secrets. There is no off limits with this person. Everything literally is a go. You trust this person with your life. Finding a soulmate usually leads to marriage or at least very close to it. You have been searching your entire life for someone that you can “click with” or “settle down with” and that’s usually a soulmate.

Have you ever just met a person and felt like you have known that person all you life? I mean you haven’t spent a whole day around that person but you feel like you have spent a lifetime around that person. Yup, that’s a soulmate. Your connected on more then a physical level. There are all kinds of soulmates and truth is a person can have more then one soulmate in a lifetime. That’s why most people can love more then one person in a lifetime. I’m sure a few of you have been there. And when asked how can you love two people you really can’t explain it.. it just is. There are several signs that let you know that you have met your soulmate. Here are the top 5 signs:

    1. You just know.

You have a feeling deep down inside you that guides you in a primitive kind of way. Your survival instinct. You don’t have to second guess it at all. You see them, you like them, you want them, you stay together. Kind of like swans finding a mate. Once they are together they are together for life. If one dies off then that’s pretty much it. Their mate can’t be replaced. You feel connected!

    2. They change you.

When you first meet your soulmate everything seems perfect. I mean you feel like you have known them forever then something happens. You come alive. You begin to change in a good way. They fill the empty spaces in you that you didn’t know existed. Now I’m not saying poof things magically happen kind of change. I mean at times you both will bump heads and fight but when the dust clears there will be progress. Your soulmate will challenge you to be greater then what you already are.

    3. The feeling.

The intensity you feel in a relationship with your soulmate is like no other relationship you have ever dealt with before. It can be extremely overwhelming in both a good and a bad way. Being able to meet in the middle and compromise on the tougher issues is a must. Both you and your soulmate feed on each other and build one another up when things start to get a bit discouraging. When you hold each other at the end of a tough day all the stress and worries wash away and everything is ok afterward. The energy that you lose over a day is replenished like a battery rapidly charging.

4.  Choosing your battles.

All you want in a soulmate relationship is to be happy. A majority of the time you don’t argue at all, the flaws you may have found annoying in your ex’s you don’t see in your soulmate. You might find those flaws attractive. If your married to your soulmate there is most likely the thought of doing it all over again if u could and have no regrets. Yup, not a single regret will even come close to crossing your mind. The love that you feel for each other is true and pure.

  5. Ease

Your soulmate is very easy to be with. You don’t have to act a certain way or pretend to be something your not. Your soulmate will accept you for who you are and wont pass judgement. Your soulmate will encourage you to be your best without being a dictator.

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TWIN FLAMES

Twin Flames on the other hand are a bit different. Unlike a soulmate relationship which are relationships with our perfect matches or our other halves twin flame relationships are relationships with our twin selves or mirror selves or more commonly put perfect mirrors of ourselves. Twin flames in my opinion have a bit more magic attached to them. They are a bit more mystic and intriguing. Just like soulmates they have a very intense trait to them that compliments you as a person in great ways. Unlike soulmates you and your twin flame have experienced life in uncanny but familiar ways. You both are drawn to each other and the feeling to be around them is magnetic.. yup, like magnets. You have been searching for your twin flame since you can remember but just don’t realize it. You both bond immediately and when you are together its explosive and forever life changing.

With a soulmate you bond. It feels like you have known each other forever so love isn’t really a topic. You just get it. With twin flames the term love is so much more defined. Love has always been a funny word to me because it’s definition of love is so loss. You love your mother and father. You have love for your friends family. However the love you have for your twin flame is well… passionate. Its something that you don’t need to force or have it make any sense. When you see your twin flame its on immediately and you know it.

Twin flames just don’t get along with you and heal you twin flames awaken a part of you that you never knew existed. They awaken the magic and wonder in your life. Twin flames also awaken a very dark side or the opposite side of you because again they are your “other half” whether it be a darker side or a lighter side of you. In the very end twin flames complete you. You don’t have to be with a twin flame in a relationship or marriage. Their proximity alone is overwhelming. There are also several signs that let you know that you have met your twin flames… and of course here are the top 5 signs:

1. You are free

Both you and you twin flame can’t be around each other for too long. You both are volatile for each other like a match to gasoline. There was a saying that I once heard. It said.. “twin flames are kind of like you both knowing the oven is hot.. but regardless to the danger of getting burned you both decide to touch it together anyway”. You come and go in each other’s life frequently but always are drawn ack to each other.

  2. The Change.

Every time you spend time with your twin flame you grown, you find something new in yourself, you develop new thoughts and ideas. it’s nothing physical but more mental and spiritual. Every episode you have with your twin flame is defined by a change. Good or bad but change is a constant. Both you and your twin flame are more then just friends or lovers you both learn from each other on a regular basis and the lessons are usually intense and mind blowing. They definitely add a sense of value to your life.

3.  The Power Couple.

Being around your twin flame fills those holes in you and builds you up. You finally realize how much you need one another. The same goes for them. Once you get through all the bull shit you give each other a force awakes in you both. You become a powerhouse and the energy you both put out is powerful and those vibrations immitted can be felt by everyone around you and they love it. They become one and that oneness is their super power. There is no more fear or doubt. Anything is possible at that point. Every idea you have or desire you share can be accomplished because you have each others back.

   4. Emotional

Since your twin flame awakens a new side of you it also opens up new feelings within you and one of the strongest feelings you have are your emotions. You use your emotions to let people know how you feel on a regular basis. You dont even have to say a word for someone to catch your vibe. Imagine having those feelings amplified. Your twin flame magnifies those feelings and energies to help awaken who you are. A lot of those feelings you may not be familiar with especially if your a man. That energy will later help heal the parts of you that need healing or develop the parts of you that need growth.

5. The Connection.

It feels like you are always pulled back to them no matter how far you go away or try to move away. You have been searching for them all your life and now that you have found them it will be hard to live without them. It’s said that one of you is the spiritual one and the other is more practical one and that’s the purpose of the entire relationship between you both. One teaches the other learns and it’s constant. Both you and your soulmate may be different but that’s what connects you. Somewhere down the line there is a similarity but for the most part the differences you share feed on each other making your bond inseparable.

So.. what makes it hard for you to move on to something better? Are you content, too lazy to move on, have you just given up or are you simply comfortable with where you are? As you grow older you grow wiser. Well, That’s what they say anyway. Perhaps, the saying was with time comes knowledge. Yeah, I think that was it. Well, that’s besides the point. Getting older definitely gives you knowledge. I say that simply because as you get older you stop putting up with simple stuff. You stop going out so much and pretty much play it safe. By playing it safe you stay at home a lot more and staying at home gives you time to think. I personally don’t mind being in my bubble. I play to win but my team is small. It makes the game a lot longer to play with so few people but that’s just the way it is. The ole’ Familiar.

That phrase “ole’ familiar” came to me one day when I was driving home from work. I got home, took my shower and put on my favorite sweat shorts and I actually said.. “aw hello my old friends” .. lol. Do you have a pair of sweats that you like to put on all the time when you are relaxing at home. Perhaps you have a favorite shirt or hoodie that you like to wear. That favorite piece of clothing gives you a sense of security. It makes you feel safe like there are no worries in the world. Yes, everything makes sense now that you are in your good ole’ familiars. Maybe it’s not clothing at all but a place that you like to go to that helps you relax and clear your mind like that park or that lake. Do you know that people can give you that same feeling. That good ole’ familiar. I hear people say all that time ” I cant wait to get home ” when they leave work. It’s not because you have anything to do particularly its jus that you want to get away from all the b.s and find you a nice little piece of familiar.. right? Trust me, I know how you feel. I listen to people talk all the time. I have a motto that I live by. It simply goes ” let people talk.. and they will tell you what you want to hear”. I want to say I made that up but I’m not sure anymore, hashtag Age. One thing that I’ve noticed is that most people have more than one thing that gives their minds clarity. A majority of people have more than one place they can go to that can gives them peace. On the other hand the last remaining few have more than one person that they can talk to about different things that can help ease their minds.

man wearing gray sweater in selective focus photography

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Are you playing it safe or are you living your life to the fullest?    To be honest it really doesn’t matter which direction you are headed or by what means you take to get the most out of it. I’m writing this blog to talk about what we already know and that’s.. well, what we already know. We know that foods we like, we know the people we deal with. We are familiar with the places we will go and the places we don’t want to be caught dead at or in. That’s now our style or our cup of tea. What you do says a lot about your character right? The company you keep says a lot about who you are. You keep to the same ole’ same that Good ole’ Familiar. Look around. Is that familiar getting you where you want to be? Is that familiar opening the doors that you want to open fast enough? Well I think I’m going to leave it like that. I’m going to leave this door open for argument and debate. Sometimes we have to think outside the box and step away from what we are comfortable with and get some new uncertainty. What do you think? Feel free to let me know your thoughts in the comments below. Is it better to stay the course or step off the ledge and catch a little air.

There is an undeniable connection between men and women. It’s in our DNA. We belong together. We give each other subtle signs, gestures and body language letting the other person know that we are into them.  Its called magnetism. We need each other regardless of what we may say or do. That’s how we reproduce and frankly, it’s how we are designed. I believe that there is someone for everyone in this world. However, the ratio of men to women are slightly higher. The last article that I read was from reference.com that said “the world’s male population was 3,776,294,273, while the female population was 3,710,295,643. ” That means that there are 65,998,630 more men in the world. If you count out all the gay men, the monks, married, and old men it pretty much is still going to leave you with a pretty high number to work with. So, if a women doesn’t find herself a suitable guy there is a problem right? of course I’m right!

So, your out with your girls. You see this guy across the bar or across the dance floor and you think he is cute what do you do? Do you even know? Is he going to make the first move? With the way today society is one can never be sure. Men now a days seem to sit back and let the lady make the first move simply because women are a lot more direct with men then they have ever been. Some women on the other hand sit back and let the guy make the first move because that’s how they were raised and that’s how is should be. Well, your mom, dad and grands taught you that was the right way to do it. They said a man should approach you and make the 1st move so what do we do?

Let us put all the fast talk to the side and let nature take its course. Let’s separate the men from the boys and find out who is the best match for you. Lets get that overwhelming number of men to women down to something that we can work with. No woman wants a player or a clown unless you’re trying to build yourself a circus. Let us start this countdown. I give you the 5 signs a man is really into you.

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#5 A guy tells you what he likes about you.

I’m pretty sure that every women loves a compliment. Giving compliments is the very first start of liking someone. “Good afternoon beautiful, you smell so good today” even though you might not. He might say something like ” your hair looks great, that’s a nice look on you” or ” I like what you’re wearing”. Small compliments like that open doors for more conversation. The man who talks about your eyes vs the man the talks about your ass are two totally different kinds of men. One sees your beauty the others sees your booty. Know the difference.

#4A man will give you presence.

Not to be confused with presents or gifts. A man who acknowledges that you are here with him at any point in time is real. If your out on a date and he answers his phone and says he is with YOU as opposed to just being out means something. Any man can be out and about but one that lets other people see that you are there with him says that he isn’t worried about everyone else’s opinion. He may take you to the dance floor, he may take you to movies and then out to eat. He might even take you to center city where everyone else is just to walk around. As long as he doesn’t mind being seen with you in public is a definite go!

#3 – He talks short-term verses long-term WE vs. I

A man has an end-game just like women. He knows what he wants and where he is headed. In my previous blog I mentioned that a man is a provider. I still will say that YES a man is a provider. A man is also a hunter and a conquer. He knows what he wants and he gets it. A man who tells you his life long plans means that he has a plan for life. A man that tells you his plans for the week means that he has plans for that week. Take note which direction he is headed in conversation. During a conversation you may have with him about life notice how many times he may mention the word “WE” verses the word “I”. We can go out and do this.. verses I am going out to do that. Any man that makes plans for today is just thinking about that moment.. TODAY. If he makes plans for future events and includes you in them. He defiantly wants you to be a part of his future.

#2 – Meeting the Family vs Meeting Friends. 

“Hey babe, get dressed we’re hanging with the crew tonight” or “Hey babe, get dressed I want to introduce you to my family tonight” In all honestly, in my opinion either way is a go for me. Some men are close to their family, their mom, or their dad. Some guys might have been raised by their grands and aren’t close to their regular birth parents at all. However, in some instances some men might be closer to their boys and treat them like family more than anyone else. Meeting the special people in your significant others like is a big deal either way. It shows them that you are important in their life and they want to show you off. They want to show the people that they love that there is someone else out there that has gotten your attention and that they might want to set an extra spot at the dinner table. Good for you, save me a plate!

#1 –  Extra effort with everything

The one important thing that sets a man amongst boys is effort. I know from experience that it’s the effort that pleases women not just the gifts. Memories are better than any gift that you can buy a woman. For example, any man can take a woman out to eat but taking the extra effort to open her door and pick up the tab goes a long way. Tell me I’m lying! Any man can take women to a concert or for a walk in the park but packing a blanket and a bottle of wine goes a longer way.. hell, women love mushy stuff like that. Going the extra mile like remembering details even if you have to write them down or put them on your calendar will drive a lady crazy. Tell her you remembered that last time you both went to a particular place and she was wearing this.. or had on that. Tell her you bought a bottle of her favorite shower gel because you noticed she was out. The key here is that you didn’t even call to ask what it was.. you just bought it. Women go crazy for accessories. Adding accessories to dating or relationships are no different.

In conversation on first meets extra effort can be noticed here too. If he lets you do most of the talking and he just listens is a major go. It not necessarily that he is just paying attention. A man who doesn’t talk much is taking in all of your beauty to remember you later. He wants to bring you up in conversation with others to give explicit detail about you. Lastly, a man that bugs you a lot, calls you a lot, likes all of your IG and FB post wants other men to know that your spoken for. His attention is on you. Pay attention to the details.

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Not every relationship is perfect. There are all kinds of relationships. Long distance, short distance, part-time, live in, side, yes side relationships. There are relationships that involve plenty of love and affection and others that are just temporary fixes for parts of us that need to be filled.

What would you give to be happy? Quite a few of us are happy and don’t even see it. We chase false happiness because it feels good. We chase immediate gratification because it feels good. Who doesn’t want what they want right then and there? What would you do to be happy? Move across that country and leave everyone you leave behind?  Maybe leave the person you’re with for that greener lawn across the street? Some of you have even give up your comfortable trouble-free lifestyle for something a little faster that comes with a few more thrills and a lot more headaches.. but your happy right?

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I’ll tell you this, men want what they want. Men get what they want. At the end of the day we are all mammals and mammals will do what mammals do. Women, I feel (and this is only from my own observation) make things a lot more complicated then what things really are. Women want to be “THE ONE” he choses. You go get your hair and nails done. Some of you buy the nicest clothes to put on that helps accentuate your curves and bust and get the best education to be the top pick. But, its funny how so many of the men chose the most tired and dusty side chicks to hide with in the cuts. Why? I’ll tell you why, it’s because there is something is missing. Something that was there that is no longer there. Your significant other made it his personal mission to fill that hole. He most likely is afraid to hurt the person that he is with. He fills that hole with a temporary fix. Love is love but at the same time love isn’t love at all but a word.

Men are simple and its the little things that excite us and make us happy. And that pretty much is the fix for some of these bad relationships. So here they are

Communication.

Men like to be spoken to and not spoken at. We are leaders by creation.  We protect, lead, and provide. Those men that don’t lead do that by choice but a real man will lead. A heated argument will happen. Hell, it happens. But at the end of the day tell us what you want and let that be it.

Support.

Everyone loves a great support team. Men love to have their egos stoked once in a while the more the better lol. Having a women that supports ideas regardless of how dumb they may be makes you a keeper. Why would anyone look elsewhere for ideas when you have great support at home. If you want that upgrade.. promote each other to be great. If he cant build with you he will build without you.

If a man loves his woman and vise versa there will be nothing that can break that bond. No one can come between it, that’s love. If he is with you and he doesn’t give you his all, doesn’t take you out to public events, every time he sees you he wants sex then you’re a side chick. You can’t be made that your a side chick because in your gut you know its true. He didn’t pick you. It’s that simple, Fellas, you can be side n*ggas too. Don’t be mad because she didn’t pick you she loves someone else and you were convenient. Nothing personal its just business as usual.

Love hurts. When you really love someone and give them your all and it goes south it hurts like hell. If you aren’t happy with the person your with, find someone who makes you happy or find happiness within yourself. Kings, Queens you deserve the best. One.

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